From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize