I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize