he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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