All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
