I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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