Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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