May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
