Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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