she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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