hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
