i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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