Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
