Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
