Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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