she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
