I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
