We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
