I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
