I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize