its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Randomize
