My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
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