I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
