Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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