Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
