The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
You pole danced in your parka.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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