My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Randomize
