God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
