can u get pink eye on your cock?
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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