So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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