Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
