Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
