You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
