I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
