When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize