She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Randomize
