John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Randomize
