just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
