it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
