you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize