just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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