OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
