is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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