your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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