Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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