Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
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