so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize