this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
