I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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