Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
