I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Can you bring me the toilet please
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
