Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
