i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
