Betty ford says i'm here all night
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
