you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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