Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize