I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
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