I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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