I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
