just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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