woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Randomize
