pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize