Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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