then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Randomize
