my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
