Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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