I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
