i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
