Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
