When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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