i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
