i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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