I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Randomize
