i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize