having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
