he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize