Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
This is my gift to your gina
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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