he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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