Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
He? As in you personified your dick?
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
If its not for food we ain't going out.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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