just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
