What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
