yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
