don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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