It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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