he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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