Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
