Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize