She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
