Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
