did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Randomize
