normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
