i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
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