Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Randomize
