i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
