I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
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