Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize