There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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