I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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