So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
