HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
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