hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize
