He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
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