I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
