On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
the liver wants what the liver wants
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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